ginganinja

description? duck fat! psh!

Permalink irrumabo-me-difficilius:

You never really fully recover from loss. And it’s not really just the loss. It’s the feeling of being lost once they are gone. You forget how to be, because you were you, because of their presence in your life. When that physical presence is gone, you feel lost. You feel like someone just took the sun away. You don’t know how to find that light and joy you had when they were there, because it’s gone. They took it with them when they left. They didn’t take it to punish you, even though it feels like they did. They took it with them, because it was theirs, you gave it to them. You gave part of yourself to them, and whether or not they knew it, they had it, and they took it with them. They say that you can get some of that light and joy back. And maybe you can, but it takes more time than you even know you have. It takes more time than you want. It takes longer than you even know existed, because you try not to think about it, but when you do, it hits you like a train. It hits you where it hurts and matters most. And it doesn’t hit you for just a second, just a minute, or just a day. It hits you until you force yourself to stop thinking about and remembering it, until the next time, when you least expect that train run right over the best parts of you. It runs over the best parts of you, because they were the best parts of you. Maybe you didn’t know it, maybe you didn’t want to admit it. Bottom line is you gave them the best parts of you. And when they take those best parts with them, it’s like you broke into a million pieces, and you have to figure out which ones are the best, because the best parts you had aren’t broken, but gone. You have to find new best parts. It’s not easy, and in many ways can make you stronger. But, sometimes it only makes you feel like you won’t ever be able to pick new best parts, because the really good ones are already gone. And they most certainly are not coming back. And sometimes, you just feel lost. You feel worthless, like the puzzle that’s missing just that one piece. That one piece that you know you are never going to find. That one piece didn’t get up and run away, it was lost. There is no magical map or GPS that is goingnto point you in it’s direction either. It’s lost, and it makes you feel worthless, not stronger. You’re a runaway puzzle without a map, and you don’t know where you’re going or who you are.
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irrumabo-me-difficilius:

And because sometimes you are the only one thats going to hold your hand when you feel scared.

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irrumabo-me-difficilius:

I don’t choose the way I feel, it just happens. I don’t like feeling things, because if you feel more bad things than you do good, whats the point? Right?

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Because Im scared…

I hate myself cuz i fuck things up. I overreact. I know i do. And i try not to. I know im impossible sometimes. Im impossible and overreact cuz im scared. Im scared because people just leave, im scared because i dont want to fuck up, im scared cuz sometimes my heart gets broken, im scared cuz i dont always know whats guna happen. Thats why i hate myself. Because im scared of basically everything and i cant help it and i fucks things up because of it.

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